Top Ten Unpublished Changes in the New 2.1 Patch

BRK » 14 April 2007 » In Best of, Patch, Pets, Spells, Talents »

Yes, BRK has gotten the Test Realm code from a double agent inside Blizz headquarters. (Apparently, any MMORPG programmer can be bought off with promises of either homemade cookies or coupons to Denny’s; who knew?)

We sent the purloined papers to the BRK Code Breaking Detachment and Easy-Bake Oven Training Facility in Grenora, North Dakota, (”Friendliness lives here — you’ll be a stranger only once”). After 24 hours of uninterrupted, unfed, and painstaking dissection by the children of Ms. Stern’s 3rd and 4th grade class at Grenora Elementary, we’re able to present their research to you. Thanks kids, your checks are in the mail.

10. Rogues who refuse to level their lockpicking skill now receive a sliding-scale damage-debuff based upon a formula that relates lock-picking skill to character level.

9. An invisible minature version of DamageMeters, with only the Healing Done code implemented, has been inserted into the core WoW code. It calculates how much healing Priests, Paladins, and Druids cast on Hunter pets in proportion to the healing they perform on themselves. If these classes do not heal a Hunter’s pet sufficiently, they suffer gold or experience losses, and their armory profile will be prominently tagged “Non Pet Healer - Hunters Beware”.

8. The enemy cast bar can now be accessed via a call in a macro. BRK has already developed a macro that will yell at a warrior:

/if enemycastbar() != nul
/y Hey you b@stard! It’s Shield Bash Time, what’s the matter with you!

7. The counter for respecing is implemented on your Armory profile, so everybody can see how many times you’ve respec’d in the past 30 days. If the number exceeds 5 when your profile is accessed, an embedded .wav file will play Beck’s, “I’m a Loser, Baby, So Why Don’t You Kill Me”.

6. Every zone now drops a raw material than can be cooked into a pet snack. In Shadowmoon Valley and Netherstorm, for example, all the demons drop “Shadow Bites”, which can be made into “L’il Debbie Evil Snack Cakes”, which grant your pet +25 to Strength and Stamina for 30 minutes.

5. Fel Reavers are a tamable pet, although they shrink to appropriate size when tamed. Engineers are the only source for their food, “Rosie’s Leftovers”, (+5 BRK Cool Points to the first person to post the correct reference to “Rosie”).

4. The Beastmaster talent, “Improved Pet Mend” has been changed so that it that allows hunters to wear + Healing gear and have the effects applied to their Pet Mend spell. The graphic has been changed to remind Blizzard that Improved Pet Mend means just that, improve pet mend!

3. The Marksman talent Combat Experience has been renamed Combat Idiocy. Every hunter who puts points into CI will have their armory profile’s character picture modified so that it shows their toon wearing a big red clown nose, a huge rainbow wig, and a cardboard sign that says, “My pet is ashamed of me.”

2. Feral Druids in Dire-Bear Form will have their butts strategically shaved so that if one zooms in, one will see the words, “Warrior Tank? My big hairy @ss.”

1. The new spell Aspect of Big Red Kitty grants all members of the party 100% of the hunter’s Haste for 10 seconds when the hunter crits with any shot, and it cause the hunter to emote, “In the name of BRK, Burn It Down! YARG!”

Best of, Patch, Pets, Spells, Talents | April 14, 2007

Comments

5 Responses to “Top Ten Unpublished Changes in the New 2.1 Patch”

  1. Daco on April 14th, 2007 10:01 pm

    Why, might that be Rosie of Jetsons fame?

  2. Damh on April 14th, 2007 11:31 pm

    +5 BRK Cool Points to Daco. :)

  3. Mindkiller on April 16th, 2007 3:00 pm

    I like the Aspect of Big Red Kitty Buff.

  4. Emira on April 18th, 2007 7:22 pm

    And here I was thinkin’ of Rosie the Riveter, given that Fel Reavers are giant iron walking freight trains… XD

    *waves in passing*

  5. Keystone on April 18th, 2007 9:34 pm

    too funny!

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