How To Survive in a WoW-Addict Marriage
“Dear BRK, how much time do you devote to your WoW habit and how does your wonderful Mrs. BRK handle/cope/punish you accordingly? I have noticed a big difference in playing time between those who have been married longer than us newlyweds if the Mrs. is not a gamer. I’m not about to jeopardize my good standing with Mrs. Gitr by starting to raid Kara, so how do you raid and still get all the benefits of marriage? Gitr.”
If you’re not aware, Gitr is the altaholic who runs Gitr Knows WoW. A WoW blogger of supreme longevity, he also has approximately 14,302 alts and is the founder of the Buttered Monkeys guild. Truly a man to be appreciated.
We get to play about 15-20 hours per week depending on the raiding schedule. We only play after 7:30pm. We don’t play past 11:00pm. We don’t play during the day on the weekends. We save Saturday night as a date-night.
Now then, as for how we escape the evil clutches of Mrs BRK several nights per week, there are several tricks and evasions we employ:
We provide Alternative Entertainment Sources. DVR/TIVO, Netflix, iPhone, MacBook, and HDTV are big-time keys to being left alone. Did you know every episode of Sex in the City is on DVD? Don’t you think she wants to watch them? Get them on your Netflix queue. Subscribe to HBO and let her watch all those bad 80s movies over and over again. Sometime your spouse will get hooked on a really good movie, like Mrs BRK and The Godfather trilogy, in which case you buy it and let them run it with headphones on all the time. Unfortunately, this can backfire and they might latch on to My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We can’t emphasize the headphones enough.
Definitely leave small but meaningful messes around the house. Nothing that will require scrubbing or vacuums, but maybe a single dish containing some half-munched salsa on the coffee table in the family room. It’s too small to call us in to clean up, but no wife is gonna just leave it there. And once the salsa dish is emptied, washed, and placed in the dishwasher, there’s always something in the kitchen that needs cleaning and you’ve just primed her Chores-Motor. That’s a good 30-minutes to two hours of solitude for you right there.
Do the laundry, never fold it. No wife on the planet will leave laundry in the dryer overnight. “It’ll wrinkle and I’ll have to do it all over again!” they’ll screech. Do they know that we don’t care if our NASA tee shirt is wrinkled? We wear it to clean the pool and do yard work; we just don’t want it funky when we put it on. Not folding laundry, especially if you can get your spouse to fold toddler’s clothes, will free you for days.
After 7pm telephone calls. You’ve got those free minutes, use them. Call your wife’s best friend at 7:05pm, say “Hi, how are ya?” and then hand the phone over. Your night is set.
Get her a hobby like Genealogy. Easily to do and research at the beginning, much harder and time-involving once the first three or four generations are complete. Get genealogy software that allows her to import pictures and create family trees. Point her to the geneaology databases available on the Internet. If you can hook her on this, you’ve got months of time to yourself.
Treats. Buy her treats, small quantities, of course. Dark chocolate covered raisins or those cinnamon pita chips. Something that she loves and won’t want to share. Be a good husband and get her some. Let her sneak off with them and let her be “selfish” and not share. As soon as the cleaning in the kitchen is done and you hear that bag rustle, fire up your Kara run.
Cosmo. Get her a subscription. Don’t ever judge the contents though. Don’t make statements like, “All that magazine does is try to teach women to be comfortable with their bodies, that they don’t have to be size double-zero to be happy. Then they slam 700 pages of ads with nothing but mega-thin models in them. Isn’t that one of the worst double-standards ever perpetrated upon your gender, yet you continue to support them by buying that junk every Saturday at the store?”
No; wrong tact. Buy it for her. It goes great with dark chocolate covered raisins.
So you’ve got all this going and you still don’t have enough time to farm money for your epic flying skill? OK, work out a schedule. And if necessary, a contract:
I, the WoW-addict spouse, do hereby declare every Saturday and Wednesday night to be Date Night. I don’t raid. I don’t farm, I don’t quest, I don’t even log on the game. I’m in a marriage and WoW is not my life.
I, the WoW-addict spouse’s spouse, do hereby declare that every Tuesday and Friday night are WoW Raiding Nights. I won’t bother, I won’t nag, I won’t ask for help getting things down from high shelves in the pantry. From 7pm until midnight, I’m basically single and will accept my status with grace and chocolate.
And that’s basically how we at the BRK manse get by.
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33 Responses to “How To Survive in a WoW-Addict Marriage”
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Or, you could just marry a gamer.
My wife spends more time on WoW than I do.
Of course, this requires paying for 2 accounts. Small price to pay for marital bliss, my friend.
Currently working on getting the GF hooked on WoW. She played a little bit when at my house a while ago, long enough to get a toon ten. Been working on getting her setup with her own account. Means starting over at level 1 to play with her, but I’ve always wanted to play a healer. If she somehow doesn’t get into it, I will be saving this column for future reference. Thanks again BRK!
I’m pretty lucky.
My fiance knew that I loved video games because I was already playing when we started dating.
Plus, she takes online classes that usually occupy most of her night. So, while she’s doing homework I’m getting my WoW on. The flipside, unfortunately, is when she has those physics/chem/math problems she needs help with - I have to drop what I’m doing and help/tutor her. Not a bad trade-off.
Ah, but what do you do when the non-addicted SO is male?
I tried the contract before
I let her name my pets
and pick them too
pink flamingos were not for me
still did not work
lawyers were called
divorce was almost certain
my time in the USAF PMEL no windows-room was easier
then SNAP
I quit playing for six long months
bingo
marriage saved
I have had to give up Falconry & fishing for awhile
now I solo my BM hunter
when she is not at home
Hmmm
you know she does like chocolate
and cooking magazines
who knows maybe one raid a week someday
Our main priest/healer, is also the spouse of our main shaman, a do-it-all and respec-as-needed person. They have two gold farmers and a teenager who is our herb farmer and backup Warlock.
It’s a WoW-life afterall!
/agree @ Dez
Fio’s really lucky I play this game almost as much as he does. Frankly, I love playing a Co Op game with Fio. I suck at the competitive ones….
@megan
Same kind of list BRK made, just think what their inverse is.
Chocolate => Chips and salsa
Sex in the City => Sorpranos/Entourage/Action films
Godfather Trilogy => Godfather Trilogy (universal)
Geneology => Coloring books with crayons, or maybe sudoku, or legos (mindstorms maybe?)
Call her gf => Call his mother or grandfolks, or call his friends and tell them you are loaning him to them
Cosmo => GQ, Wired, Men’s Health
Sure others will post some more suggestions.
what do you do when your significant other is a fel reaver?
Buy lots of ointment.
@doom
You better have a trailer full of defias, 100x[Flask of Oil], and a subscription to CosmoReaver.
yea, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a guy telling his wife “we just don’t spend enough time together”
BRK,
Do you sell the contracts, like on spiffy legal paper? Maybe with nice calligrafyish (yes that is a word) script? And do I need to sign in blood?
Thanks.
Fortunately for myself my missus plays World of Warcraft too! In fact, she was the one who originally bought my copy of the game and got me hooked. I know, she’s awesome. She showed me your website when I was levelling my hunter (Beast mastery - Plainstrider pet whom I love) alt and it inspired me to have a go at making my own website for tanks to try and help out some of the noobs I know, but I don’t have your writing skill and haven’t gotten the hang of humour like in this post!
I thought it was a myth, but now I think it may be true that all women love sex in the city, I even know foreigners who barely understand English who love that show :/
LMAO at the chores-motor btw, I’m gonna try to use that one in future.
Regards, Bob
BRK,
Thanks for a peek into the lives of the married addict. I must say, though, that I can’t figure out which of these best fits the spell “misdirection” best. I think my vote goes to calling her best friend and handing her the phone. Brilliant!
I inadvertantly am doing several of your tips already, and am quite proud to have a firm believer in “Date Night” among my ranks of WoW-addicted friends who have a life and a marriage to keep.
BTW, in our house, she does the laundry and I lay them out when the dryer buzzes, long after she’s gone to bed.
Being Married and having 4 kids aged 9 and under I have had the “Marriage Agreement” in full effect for sometime, I laugh at all the points because I do those, the laundry one is pure gold and works for not just WoW (like when My Bruins or Dodgers or on)!!!! but iksnay on the speaknynay about it before they catch on!!!
(whew ty copy + paste)
Well it’s true, the clothes do get all wrinkly if you leave them in the dryer =P Actually I’ve never asked my boyfriend if he cares if his clothes are wrinkly or not, maybe I should ask… XD
Just a heads up, if you try getting your SO hooked on WoW, make damn sure that you either have a second computer that is capable of running it, or are willing to build/buy one. My wife has now started playing an alt on my account, and it has cut my time fairly drastically. On the other hand, she understands the addiction now.
I see Gitr snuck over here instead of making Leet posts on his own site…for Shame. Minkiller here and fellow Buttered Monkey, In fact I came up with the name..Gitr fronted the money so HE”S Guild Leader.
I am near in the same boat as a few of the commenters. My wife Snowstormer, is also a WoW player, in fact she is more of a raider then I will ever be. She’s got more purples then my pidly little helm that I had to make myself. It complicates things that we have 3 kids, yet we still seem to get them fed and cleansed and ready for bed every night and make sure they are not neglected. Though I do fear what thier image of me will be when they are older, me sitting glued to the puter for hours a night.
Here was my wifes’ response to the contract:
what about Monday, Sunday and Thursdays? revise and resubmit
What do I do know, I’m afraid, she has high intellegence (she can probably spell that word too).
Ok..long time reader. Just had to reply to this one.
I only play after my wife and child are in bed..which is 9:00pm to about 12:00pm at night.
Life, love, and family..its the most important..and I could never play if my family is awake.
i stole my husband’s account after he got me addicted to wow… he ended up buying a new one and transferred his characters! we tend to play once the lil ones are in bed, but with a new one on the way any day now i can see the arguements over who holds the baby and who gets to play wow on those sleepless nights!
the secret lies in making your SO a hunter too!
1) random silliness with pets. let them name the pets, pick the pets, etc. (who can resist a boar with a wiggly butt? or a cat named Clam?)
2) let them guide you through, help you figure out quests, etc.
3) make an alt and have them start a hunter. they love the pets so they NEED to get to at least 10!
4) get them an account for a bday or xmas, even an anniversary (make sure to get some something shiny too in case that backfires, you can always hold onto it til the next important event)
5) make characters to play with them, but try to stay 5-10 lvls behind them (that way you HAVE to play wow and lvl up! poor you)
my current progress? my gf just made her way through the dark portal! grats!
granted, only portions of this were premeditated, but all in all it’s worked for me!
My boyfriend got me WoW.
I think he’s regretting it. I don’t think he was expecting some competition for my affection — my SV hunter is a damn fine companion in the evenings and doesn’t require me to cook, drive, watch bad action movies, or do dishes
I guess I got lucky, my fiance’ got me into WoW… and I beat her to 70… Shes an altaholic.
Nothing wrong with being an altaholic.
There is no 12-step program… yet.
BRK…
Sad… sad… clever, but sad BRK
My leetle friend, you have just sign your deaath sentence…. IF she reads this. Though- if you are truly as good at this game as you appear to be, she doesn’t have time to read your blog. In which case, you are perfectly fine.
As a woman, i want to tattle on you. As a girlfriend, i’m jealous of Mrs. BRK regardless of your motives. As a Gamer, I applaud your audacity and ingenuity.
/clap
/slap
/jealous glare
PS- i’m taking suggestions for scorpid names. i nthe running so far- “pretty pinchy” and “thing”… those SUCK. PLEASE help.
I really have to recommend getting the SO into the game. It may require finesse, but it’s totally worth your time. Heck, my boyfriend got me into WoW two years ago, “quit” the game in May, and now I have him back and tanking SSC and the Eye just a few months later.
You never know just how hardcore your “nongamer” wife or girlfriend may be at heart…
Mrs. BRK says…
You are an a$$hat. I am on to you.
Now that I am painfully aware of the signature BRK ruse, I am calling for volunteers (yes, plural, and preferably male) to keep me company on those long cold WoW nights.
Vixenytli, what about naming it Venomytli?
@ BRK
BRK, you’re up for raid every day for the next three days!
@ Mrs BRK
I’ve got the next three days free…
BRK,
I have the short term solution. My wife is pregnant and about to give birth to #3. With a 5 & 6 year old already she is very tired. In bed by 8pm most nights and I put the kids to bed around 7.30pm. Gives me several hours each night.
Only problem is you need another child. However that is also a bonus.
Cheers
Kolan
“No wife is gunna just leave it there” and “No wife on the planet will leave laundry in the dryer overnight” LOLHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I think I need a new one then. She likes to leave clothes in the …WASHER! Nothing like finding them in there all musty smelling.
She once baked cookies and didn’t bother to clean up. I watched a glob of margerine sit on the counter for 3 days (I refused to clean it). So when I finaly did clean it and I said something to her, she didn’t even know it was there. : /
They sell new wives on the AH?