We Have No Shame
Since we dine with Mania from Petopia occasionally, we thought we’d take our latest get-together as an excuse to totally bogart the Ten Question Interview theme and give her the old interview-dealie-o.
NC-17 for language. Hide the kids. Seriously, she’s not quite ready for the early show, if you know what we’re talking about.
BRK Question #1: It’s wonderful to see you again, thank you for dinner! What’s good here, do you think?
Mania Answer #1: WAITER! Who do you have to *bleep* to get some service around here? I need a Jack and Coke, hold the Coke, got it? No ice, no soda, just a glass the size of a flower vase and a curly straw. I’ll have the Filet Mignon, blue. Show the steak the grill, introduce it, but don’t let them get acquainted. The steak can’t pick out a grill in a police lineup, you understand? No potato, no veggies, and a hunk of raw meat you could cover a car’s air cleaner with. MOVE IT!
BRK Question #2: So how did you get started WoW Blogging?
Mania Answer #2: It was a bet to see how many people I could infect with a custom virus I wrote. It eventually morphed into a Visual Pet Talent Calculator that, once the reader clicks it, scans their harddrive for pr0n and credit card information. I have a SAN with a couple terabytes of quintuple-X pics and movies that would shock Larry Flint. I’m thinking of using some of that material to write a children’s book.
BRK Question #3: Why hunter pets? Why not warlocks or paladins?
Mania Answer #3: It’s pretty obvious the greatest concentration of rubes, fools, and people unable to complete a single side of a Rubix Cube roll hunters. “Attack them at their weak point”, that’s Sun Too right there.
BRK Question #4: Isn’t it pronounced Sun Tzu?
Mania Answer #4: You’ve got a big mouth for a skinny-b@stard. BigRedKitty? More like SmallWhiteCaucasian, if you ask me. WAITER! REFILL!
BRK Question #5: It may not be widely known that you don’t do raids or instances or anything else that requires you to group with people. Your reason for that?
Mania Answer #5: Frankly, nobody can keep up with me. I solo instances to get my gear, it saves people from being embarrassed and me from wanting to remove their entrails with my laser mouse. I tried running Naxx with a guild once, I was on Ras Frostwhisper while they were still buffing up. Pathetic.
BRK Question #6: Many people may not know that your blog and Petopia aren’t the same thing. What’s the difference?
Mania Answer #6: Petopia is a database of hunter pet information unsurpassed by any database about Warcarft or any other MMO, bar none. My blog is where I get to put down in words how much I hate people, their pets, their governments, the continuing rise of globalism, and the efforts to feed the hungry and poor around the world. It’s my happy place.
BRK Question #7: What’s your favorite pet and why?
Mania Answer #7: Is this an interview or a kindergarten project? SPOREBATS, sheesh. Do you even read my stuff? In the field of Internet-based Warcraft entertainment, I’m a GOD! Do you think I tell people the truth about them? MORON! They’re the most powerful hunter-pet in the game, I just… altered their information on Petopia so nobody else would use one. Wait, don’t write about that!
BRK Question #8: I won’t, scout’s honor. So do you have a favorite hunter-spec? Do you change it up often, or are you set on one combination.
Mania Answer #8: When you have mad, l33t skillz like me, talent points are for sissies. I’m a 0/0/0 instance-soloing hunter. I do it for the challenge. I don’t train anything but level-one spells and I usually run my instances naked. One sweet piece of female Orc hunter *bleep* taking down NPCs and boys’ hearts. Watch yourself or you’ll get caught in my gravitational pull, and I don’t want to have to put a beat-down on Mrs BRK to get what I want.
BRK Question #9: Um… I thought you said I was skinny…
Mania Answer #9: DO NOT QUESTION THE MANY DESIRES AND UNCIVIL APPETITES OF MANIA! Fulfill my needs or suffer the consequences! That’s what I tell my boys, my clients, and my waiters. WAITER! This steak is room-temperature! Bring me something from that refrigerated display case, and toss a little raw parsley on it; I need some vitamin C.
BRK Question #10: OK, to wrap this up, I’ll open the floor and let you tell your legions of fans what you’ve got planned for the future.
Mania Answer #10: The future is, of course, the next expansion. And I’ve got my delicate little fangs dug in deep! I’ve got the hunter-pet programmer on speed dial and I feed him a steady diet of misinformation and sweet-nothings to ensure my evil and sadistic plans are carried out. Like the pet-stable… HAHAHA! the pet-stable situation doesn’t change…
BRK: WAIT! Are you saying that because you’ve been sending the the programmers candy and scented lacy… things… that they’ve not increased the number of pet stable slots… because you like the anarchy and anger in the hunter community?!
Mania: You catch on fast for a guy. If everybody could have ten pets, there’d be no need to work so hard to find out The Best Pet, and my site would go down the tubes. Two pets and a spare slot to train your existing pets, that’s it, forever. That dynamic keeps my traffic high and my coffers filled. Paraphrasing Mrs BRK, Mania needs the bam-bam.
BRK: You’re a total psycho! A power-mad, heartless, sadistic beyotch!
Mania: Ooo, sweet talk! That and picking up the tab for dinner might get you…
At this point in the interview, Mania’s husband jabbed an extremely long needle into her neck, injected her with something labeled Therapy #3, then screamed, “Now’s your chance, run for it!”
We didn’t look back.
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I think I’m in love.
She’s so going to kill you next time.
Hilarious
Orcs… the greatest hunter race!
Represent!
You betta RECOGNIZE, fools!
But seriously, I know something was hinky about that site when I couldn’t find references to the sporebat trainable ability… 20 sec stun.
I hear #2 tastes like strawberries.
Also, you can tell that Mania is delusional: Ras Frostwhisper is in the Scholomance. Unless, of course, she means that she was doing Scholo for kicks while she waited…
I can’t decide if I should flee or fap…
Awesome job. One of your best posts!
“I tried running Naxx with a guild once, I was on Ras Frostwhisper while they were still buffing up. Pathetic.”
Biggest laugh from me all day, nay, all week, nay! All MONTH! Seriously, I had to put my cup of tea down because it was going to spill.
That was EPIC. Anyone that puts that much work into something that is only 30% of her character has to be….a little eccentric.
I like it.
Shame just be one of those thingies what gets in the way of good clean fun.
Mania = Chuck Norris female counterpart?!
Lawl
awesome, I really wanna see a payback from her =)))))
Okay, you totally got me, first time this day.
I could clearly see all those other traps out there on the www, but yours – of course – was a masterpiece. Awesome! =)
All I have to say, Kitty, is that paybacks are hell. Can’t wait for Mania’s riposte!
rofl
Epic!
As if you had to change it! She’s weird enough as is. Going with normal Mania is almost as weird as this “Terminator-Mania”.
wow….just….wow
Omg BRK!!!!! Theres a hunters mark over your head, quickly lay a trap and prepare for inc……ROTF
[...] wonder what I’m really like? I sat down with Big Red Kitty for an interview over dinner this past weekend. Read all about it at BRK’s blog. Share [...]
The funniest ever…. a classic …..well done BRK !!! you are a God !!
And a very merry April 1st to you too.
/rofl
I agree, it’s epic. I was looking forward to a post with discussion about the pet aggro, mana, and trap issues – and I get to the first line of her ‘response’ and remember it’s April 1st. xD
Time to go check her blog, and see what she thinks of it.
“BigRedKitty? More like SmallWhiteCaucasian, if you ask me”
That ruined me. lol
I was fine and smiling the whole way through but that line was tops. Had to put down my coffee.
That and the Pooter-the-Clown reference ^_^
LOL (really)
Oh the response to this one should be good… If she is just a tiny bit as this I can’t imagine anything but a godlike hammering.
/rub hands
No post from BRK today, Mania has him swimmin wif the fishessss
Jack Daniels is for huntards. Melee huntards at that.
Send in the pet. Pop off an autoshot. Pour myself a double of a single malt scotch. Take a big swig. When the kitty gets back, collect the loot.
Rinse and repeat.
Real hunters don’t settle for blends.
No shame indeed!
Amen tkc
Oh my GOD!!
I have found my Goddess!!! Mania is the girl of my dreams. Sure men like dangerous women. She’s gotta come with a warning label and a waiver to sign before you can talk to her. Of course, you’re lampooning her for April Fool’s sake, but still… WOW. . The bit about her eating raw steak and Jack n coke was pure genius. Reminds me of MY wife when we first met. Almost the same language, too. Ruthless, Evil, Amoral, and slightly delusional. Yea. You sir, are the fount of all hunter wisdom and a darned good role model. Calm, calculated, and wise. Definitely a great battlefield General. In hell tho, she’s the hunter I’d want to run alongside into the thick of battle.
/salute