First: The Blizz Authenticator, A Quick “How”.

Blizzard builds an authenticator. The device is given a special file, called a Seed. This Seed is unique and it’s characteristics are saved in Blizzard’s Seed database.

You get an authenticator in your greedy little mitts, go to the Blizzard account page, and tell Blizz you’re gonna use an authenticator. You type your authenticator’s unique ID on the website, Blizz looks up the Seed for that authenticator, and stores that info in its Seed database. That authenticator and its Seed are now Yours.

You try to login to WoW, it says, “Hey Doofus, what’s the number on your authenticator?”

You press the button on your authenticator, it uses its unique Seed to generate a 6-digit number. You type that 6-digit number into your WoW login panel.

Blizz queries its Seed database and, using its copy of your Seed, creates a 6-digit number. If the number Blizz creates matches the number you typed in, you’re allowed to play. The numbers don’t match, you get the Big Boot-a-roonie.

That’s the basics. Interested in more? Here.

Next: Hackers.

In the past, this blog made a small amount of money from Goggle Ads. Now we’re against gold farming companies, so we would add any gold-selling sites to our Do Not Allow list on our Google Ad account, preventing them from advertising here. The number of sites we blacklisted grew to over 200. We gave up on Google Ads when it became impossible to keep the gold-selling sites from advertising on this blog. There are no more Goggle Ads on BRK.net. /wipes hands

But you know what our number one most frequently-clicked Google Ads were? Gold-ads, by a long-shot. We would see our ad-revenue spike whenever a new gold-selling ad would appear on our blog. We <3 money, but not dirty money.

So we changed our advertising, and today we have three very nice, non-gold farming ads for you to look at: a guide on how to make gold on your own, a leveling guide, and a professions guide. Before you decide to purchase gold, try one of these products. The best way to eliminate hacking is to eliminate the demand for that product. We are trying to do our part in this, now it’s up to you.

If you buy gold today, you’re buying the stuff that these predators stole from our guildies. That’s on your karma, not ours.

Next up on the rant roster: the economics professors running rampant on the Trade channel.

BRK: WTS [Nethercobra Armor Kit] 700g, only one available

Nitwit1: ZOMG DON’T BUY THAT IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE

Nitwit2: I’ll sell anybody one of those for the cost of mats

BRK: Um, the cost of mats is 660gold right now.

Nitwit1: NO THEIR NOT

BRK: Shall I list them?

Commonsense1: Yeah, primal nethers are starting at 300g, the cobra scales are 50g each, that’s about right.

Nitwit2: Anybody who buys that thing is an idiot and way-overpaying.

BRK: Economics 101 – things are worth what someone will pay

[w:From Purchaser1] I’ll buy it, COD ok?

[w:To Purchaser1] Done, and done. TYVM J

BRK: And someone just bought it. Thank you for participating in this class.

Later…

BRK: WTS [Terocone]x20 45gold, one stack available

Nitwit1: OMG WHO PAYZ 45 FOR TEROCONE!

Nitwit2: It should sell for no more than 30g, you @sshole, quit ripping people off

[w:From Purchaser2] I’ll buy it, can we meet in Shat?

[w:To Purchaser2] My pleasure

BRK: Economics 102 – sell when the demand is high. It’s raid-night, people need pots. There’s a reason the herbs are outrageous on the AH, folks. Buy them on Thursday, sell them on Sunday. Know when the highest guilds are raiding BT, and you’ll find plenty of rich buyers.

Nitwit2: You’re a j@ckass charging prices like that, I don’t care

BRK: Welcome to Capitalism, population You

The Grouch-ometer continues to peg with: The Elemental Plateau

Nothing about the Plateau makes us happy. If it’s packed with people, we can’t farm anything. If we have it to ourselves, we can’t make ourselves leave. We made three Belts of the Black Eagle this weekend, all of them we had the buyers come to the Plateau because we were in the midst of a Mote Frenzy.

Have you experienced a Mote Frenzy? Every single elemental dropping multiple motes, your bags getting packed, no competition in sight, respawns like they were being personally delivered to you by a GM. Mote Frenzy is powerful and addictive. If you’re a farmer of any kind, you probably know where we’re coming from. We farmed fifteen primal airs and nineteen primal fires this weekend, all from the Plateau. /motefrenzy

Let’s talk WotLK for Hunters.

This idea of talent trees for pets is too overstimulating, and very confusing. Look at the poll on the right sidebar, you’ll see something like 75% of you all want a DPS-spec’d pet.

Are you bonkers? Are you right in the head? Don’t make us come over there.

WotLK comes out, along with it an entirely new set of 5-man instances. They’re gonna need tanks, and tanks are going to be in short supply. Half the tanks rolled Deathknights, half have dedicated groups, another half refuse to run without a mage and a warlock for crowd-control, and one more half are really FWS. (Fury With a Shield).

But then YOU come along! A Beastmaster Hunter and your Tank Pet! Yes, your DPS isn’t going to be as good as the new Marksman Hunter with his DPS pet, but he’s still sitting in Dalaran LFGing and you’re… dude, you’re Main Tanking the new 5-man instances with a resto druid taking care of Panzer, your level 72 turtle Main Tank. Are you kidding us? That’s the complete and total schiznit, right there.

“Dude, your Turtle can’t tank a boss…”

“WHAT LACK OF FAITH IS THIS I SEE BEFORE ME! Panzer is a Tank Pet, and ‘lo, I am a Beastmaster Hunter! Panzer will out-aggro your squishy self, just try to pull from him! Together, we are a Tanking Machine, and you best recognize and respect!”

“OK, just shut up.”

/shivers in anticipation

Orcapalooza News.

Our search for a worthwhile charity is proving to be much harder than we anticipated. We had such great success with helping Sharvan’s family that we wanted to carry on that tradition and make Orcapalooza a fund-raising event.

With the Running of Da Bulls, you all donated to Sharvan’s family through PayPal. And as nice and sweet-smelling as they are, they still took a good chunk of the donations as fees. We didn’t want to do that with a charity event. We also wanted you to be able to deduct your donations as a Charitable Contribution, and since we are not an IRS-recognized 501(3)c corporation – Profit FTW! – we need you to be able to donate directly to the charity.

But we also want that charity to keep track of just how much payola gets sent into their coffers in the name of BRK, so we can report it to you and use that information as an advertising tool. That’s not asking too much, is it?

Apparently it is. Several charities has said, “Thanks but no thanks,” and one went so far as to say, “We’ll help you out, of course. As long as you can guarantee fifty thousand dollars in donations.”

/gulp

We have one more charity to contact, and we’re gonna drop them a line today. If they don’t come through, we’re out of ideas.

If you know of a worthwhile charity that fits in with what we stand for at BRKWWA – good times, hot chicks, buff dudes, love of animals, massive damage to demons, homemade beer, TJ, Porsches, cooking, bunnehs, cooking bunnehs, space travel, and loud, glimmering, oily guns – and think they’ll be willing to work with us to raise $1000 and a lot of goodwill, ask them what they’d think of accepting donations from our Orcapalooza event.

<– not kel

Just PFFT. Yes, another. That’s three in six days. 4:30 in the morning, but we had a certain banned-hunter online who got the account locked, so hopefully everything will be OK in time for tonight’s Mount Hyjal.

Our authenticator is on order. Do you think Blizz just gave out everybody’s password in a mass-email to create a 10-million person demand for the d@mn things?

/shiftyeyes

Your toon quit the guild and is having fun with your flight form. We tracked him around Shatt and talked to him so much he /ignored us. Then the rest of the guild started bomb-whispering him, and now he’s ignoring the whole guild.

We asked everybody in Shat to start whispering him, telling him to put the account back. It probably won’t do any good, but what else can we do.

We’ve put in a ticket, we’ve put a post on the guild forums, we’re trying to contact you!

Just like your wife was a few days ago, Adellm, you’re being hacked right the F now.

Update #1: GMs contacted and they respond.

Edit #2: Adellm Gets His

Adellm saw the post on the guild forums and this blog about his being hacked, so he changed his login info via the admin panel on the WoW site, and got his toon back. Of course, he found his stuff gone. However, the GMs were able to get him all his gear and gold back! Unfortunately, he lost all his gems and enchants, so the guild is reequipping him as we write this. The really big Bad Thing was that the hacker unlearned Adellm’s professions before he was usurped, and the GMs say that’s one thing they cannot fix.

Adellm said the quick-action we took in reporting the situation to a GM was essential to him getting his gear back so quickly. We’re thrilled to have been any help at all.

Adellm is saved! /danceparty

“Dear BRK, [my] Guild has a DKP system in place, and long story short the rouge(sic) with less DKP got [the Dragonspine Trophy] over a hunter with more DKP because certain member of the guild felt that the rouge(sic) would use the item to its full potential. Of course I was like that is Bull Shark because I feel the trinket benefits both classes equally. What say you? Cort.”

Cort, you’re right and you’re wrong, foshizzle.

Here’s how you’re right. If a guild has a DKP system, the rules of the system are written somewhere, are understood by all, and that’s Law of the Land. If the rules of the system are changed during a run or after loot drops, that’s going to make people gquit. What happens is that your guildies start thinking,

“What’s the point of running Gruuls if the GM is just going to arbitrarily decide that certain gear is going to go to certain people? I’ll have more success if I just go to the elemental plateau and farm fire motes.” And your guild’s 25-man runs end, the guild disbands, fire and brimstone come down from the skies, rivers and seas boil, forty years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

And it’s all so easily avoidable.

Everybody in the raid must know the rules ahead of the run, and the loot-master must abide by those rules, or else there’s no point in going.

Now notice we didn’t say that the person with the most DKP must win. That’s not the case at all. The rules can be anything the guild decides.

BRK’s Dream DKP System, Where Nobody Ever Quits the Guild

DKP is in effect, everybody bids for whatever they want, highest bid wins, except in the following cases:

1. Main Tank gets priority for gear. If a tier token drops that he can use, he gets it and sacrifices all his accumulated DKP, regardless of his balance. Nobody may outbid the MT on tokens. His survival is the guild’s survival.

2. The Main Tank’s primary Holy Pally healer gets priority on her gear. If a tier token drops that she can use, she gets it and sacrifices all her accumulated DKP, regardless of her balance. The MT’s survival is the guild’s survival.

3a. Any 1h or 2h weapons with +Str is not hunter-loot and hunters may not bid if another class wants the item.

3b. Any 1h or 2h weapons with +Spirit is not hunter-loot and hunters may not bid if another class wants the item.

3c. Any 1h or 2h weapons with +Agi, +Int, and +Sta is pure, honest-to-Elune hunter loot and other classes may not bid if a hunter wants the item.

3d. Hunters get priority on every ranged weapon. Nobody who needs a ranged weapon for stats may outbid a hunter for a ranged weapon.

4. Nobody may bid on an item they already have, except in the case of dual-wielding. If you have your tier four shoulders, another tier four shoulder token drops, and you want it for off-spec, everybody else in the raid who can use that token for their primary spec must decline to bid before you may. You may not run-up the DKP bidding if you have the item already.

5.The Dragonspine Trophy is the single-best rogue-trinket in the game, and if a rogue in the raid needs it, he gets priority. However, since so many other classes can easily use it, the rogue must outbid all other classes who bid on it. The bidding ends when the rogue is incapable of raising his bid more.

6. The raid-loot rules can be amended before the start of the raid, but all members of the raid must agree to the change. For example, we bring a new Holy Pally in the guild who desperately needs her tier four helm from Prince. If that trinket drops, she gets priority for that loot, on that run only. The raid is told at the start what to expect, and anybody who disagrees with the rule may opt-out of the raid.

And so on. This is not a complete and inclusive list, and we’re sure you’ll find things to get outraged about, and that’s just dandy. But you can hopefully see that it’s a decent starting-point for developing a guild’s loot-rules.

So that’s where you’re right, Cort. Changing the DKP rules mid-raid both sucks and blows and is one of the most sure-fire methods of imploding your guild. Bad mojo, all around.

But here’s where you’re wrong. The DST is great for hunters, but it’s the Dream Trinket for rogues; it does not benefit both classes equally.

Just because a hunter can use it very effectively does not mean that a rogue can’t put it to better use. If we were in a raid with a good rogue who needed it, we would be hard-pressed to take it from him. How would you feel if that rogue took your Golden Bow of Quel’Thalas just because he could use easily use it for stats? You’d freak out and throw your computer in the pool, that’s what you’d do.

But the most basic preventative measure you can take is, if you’re not sure what your guild’s rules on loot is going to be, just ask beforehand. It’ll save a lot of headaches and broken hearts.

And now a message from the BRKWWA CEO and Chief Disinformation Propagandist, BRK.

Dear BRK Reader,

We here at BigRedKitty Worldwide Amalgamated have seen the future, and it is cheap, plastic USB authenticators. We’re so jumping on this bandwagon, our calves ache in anticipation.

What does that mean for you? Well we’re proud to announce that, very soon, you’ll be able to purchase your very own, BRK Anti-Keylogging and IP-Seeking Nuke-o-Matic.

A BRKAKIPSNoM? Hold the glee down, please! Thank you. /ahem

First off, it’s not just a USB device, it’s got some of that Bluetooth goodness shoved in there. Just have it on your person, it’ll automatically sync to your Bluetooth-enabled computer and start the whole authentication process on its own. You don’t even have to plug it in! It’s the 21^st century, for cryin’ out loud. Cables and connectors and plugs are so 90s, right?

Next, it does all that six-digit authentication hoopla that the Blizz one does. You’d expect that, so we can’t avoid putting that feature in, now can we.

But what’s going to make you send us two easy payment of $19.95 each for the BRKAKIPSNoM is that it has customized software we “found lying around” at NASA, (specifically the new NSA facility near launch complex 17). When your BRKAKIPSNoM connects to your Mac/PC/LINUX/Atari/TI-99/Coleco box, it’ll search your hard drive for existing keylogging software. When it finds one, it grabs it by the throat, slaps it several times, insults its intelligence, then dissects it, finds the IP address that it sends its data to, and converts that information into a street address using Google Earth and a totally wicked database that the CIA let us use. That we hacked. And stole. And, um… vandalized. Repeatedly.

Then, the BRKAKIPSNoM starts subscribing the occupant to every deviant magazine and newsletter the Internet has available. It searches the online genealogy records maintained by the Mormon Church, finds the ‘logger’s family tree, and sends those people personalized greeting cards,

“Dear Sir or Madam, your relative X has tried to steal my personal information on the Internet, I’ve caught him, and now you’re going to suffer. Enjoy your new subscription to “Man and Sheep at Play” weekly. You don’t want your neighbors to know of your predilection for fluffy-hooved love? Tell X to repent, apologize publically, and repay everybody he’s scr3wed over, then we’ll talk. Peace out, and all that gibberish.”

But is that all? Of course not!

Every BRKAKIPSNoM uploads its list of keylogger IP address to the BRK Mothership Cluster. Powered by the waste from 27 nuke plants that’s trucked in from up and down the eastern seaboard, the BRKMC was designed by the same folks who built the Earth Simulator in Japan. But instead of nice, friendly weather programming, the BRKMC is a virulent entity, capable of channeling its radioactive-core right smack into the Internet, and like a Trident missile, right at a keylogger’s computer. Not only does it fry their machine and every piece of electronic equipment within 100 yards of it, it renders the operator sterile for a year.

And isn’t that what you really want, to render these keylogger @ssholes incapable of reproduction? We thought so, so that’s what we delivered. That’s the difference between BRKWWA and Blizz, you know; we care about You first.

All this for only two easy payments of $19.95? But wait, there’s even MORE!

Your BRKAKIPSNoM can be custom painted with Alliance or Horde insignia. You can have your class icon airbrushed on there. It comes in an array of fashionable colors, you can have twenty-five letters engraved in silver on it, you can have it covered in a choice of five leather grains, there’s a titanium and ivory version, even a Koala Bear Skin protective sleeve accessory!

And it has an LED display that keeps track of how many people around the world that have been made impotent from the BRKMC. The next great WoW drinking game, “Every time a ‘logger can’t shoot, take a shot!” is going to be massive! Keep your wet-bar well stocked, that’s all we’re saying.

So stay tuned, stand by, and don’t change that channel. Operators will be available, and your BRKAKIPSNoM can make you the envy of your entire server.

Thank you for your continued participation in the BRK community. We won’t tell your employer, we promise.

All hail Temur, for he totally and irrevocably pnws Thursday. All day long, every hour, it’s his.

/bow down

Note: This message is TJ-approved.

Note #2: Any damage that occurs to your computer or your digestive tract is hereby Not BRK’s Fault. As we said, it’s Temur’s Thursday.

The following questions were created from an amalgam of emails. We’re using quotes to separate the questions from our answers, not to indicate a direct quote.

We feel it’s important to point that kind of stuff out. Proper references, citations, and quoting is essential to blogging, people. You can be creative and silly and fun, but don’t steal ideas or content, even by accident.

“BRK, have you ever stolen an idea or content?”

Yes, totally. Basically, everything you read on this blog comes from Good Housekeeping and Bon Appetite articles that we morph to suit our own needs. ‘How To Make a Slipcover’ becomes ‘Ranged Weapon Comparison’ more easily than you can imagine.

“BRK BRK BRK!! Did you see the new thing on the PTR that hunters can do?!”

We don’t comment on PTR stuff. Our To-Do List is quite full enough without covering things that may or may not come to fruition.

“but…”

No buts! There are loads of folks who cover the PTR and gush endlessly about stuff that gets totally reworked come patch-day. We’re not joining that brouhaha.

“BRK, will you help me name my pet?”

No. That’s Mania’s schtick, and we’re not schtick-stealers. If Mania starts writing for Modern Bride, we may adjust our opinion on that.

“BRK, will you hate me if I spec Survivalist?”

No.

“BRK, will you hate me if I spec Marksman?”

Yes.

“Really?”

Yes.

“That’s kinda rude.”

Marksman kinda sucks.

“BRK, what’s the minimum stats or gear requirement for hunters to get into Kara?”

There aren’t any.

“What?”

You want to be a tank in Kara, you’ve got certain stats you must meet. You want to be a healer, ditto. You want to be a mage or any other caster class, you need your Spell Damage and Spell Hit stats at a certain level. For raiding, hunters are not gear-dependent, they are skill-dependent. Honestly, we believe a hunter in Auction House “of the Bandit” greenies could do good DPS in Kara.

/blink

And now we know what our next project is. Greenie-BRK Invades Kara!! /genius

“BRK, why haven’t you returned my email?”

Because we deleted it.

“You deleted my email?”

Probably. We received approximately 50 emails per day at the BRK Email Incinerator Facility and we read each one. Some get published as “Dear BRK” posts, some get personal answers, some get form-letter responses, and some get no answer at all. It happens, we hate it, but we have no other recourse. There’s just too much stuff for a one-hunter operation to handle.

If you have a question about your gear and you don’t enclose an armory link, you’ll more than likely get the can. If you have a relevant picture in your email, you’ll more than likely get a response. Shorter emails get more responses than long ones. L33t-speak will probably get you canned. Proper English gets attention, chat-speak gets ignored. Paris Hilton could invite us to Lake Tahoe for a 3-day weekend, but if it were typed in cell-phone-eese, we’d round-file it.

“BRK, did you just insinuate you find Paris Hilton attractive?”

We refuse to answer that and take our Fifth Amendment right of non-self incrimination.

But have you ever seen her in yellow?

“BRK, do you and TJ really talk to each other like we read?”

Most of the time, yes. Just yesterday, we got into a massive shouting match over the word “Hi”. We won when she totally contradicted herself. /high-five

“BRK, just how awesome is TJ, and how can you stand not being as awesome as she is?”

On a density-basis, TJ is one of the most awesome people we’ve ever met. Pound-per-pound, she packs more awesomeness into her furious frame that just about anyone we know. We’re totally not afraid to admit that.

And no, we didn’t just call her fat. Or short.

“BRK, what’s the deal with double-spacing after periods? Are you nuts?”

Double-spacing after periods is the reason the Roman empire fell. It’s why Genghis Khan’s descendents don’t rule the Eastern hemisphere. It’s why Napoleon was crushed at Waterloo. It’s how Cornwallis lost to Washington. It’s why Apollo 13 almost became a space disaster. It caused Mount St. Helens to erupt. And double-spacing after periods is why the next massive meteor strike is going to hit the Sahara instead of falling harmlessly into the Indian Ocean. That’s our “deal” and we don’t think there’s an opposition position that holds water.

“BRK, I hate both crafting and farming. How can I make money? Just dailies?”

Our recent experience being a Loan Shark has proven intoxicating. It’s something to consider. More to come on this subject, we promise.

“BRK, what’s your favorite and least-favorite 5-man instances?”

We love Botanica. It’s long, it’s involved, it’s hard. There’s opportunities for trapping, there’s some great hunter-loot drops. But Stratholm, Dead is a our favorite, by far. We ran that place into the ground and never got tired of it. It was Hunter-pulling Nirvana. If you’re a hunter and have never run Strat Dead, make a point of getting over there with a group and trying it.

If we don’t have a Pally-tank, heroic Shattered Halls is hair-pullingly maddening. Taking a Pally-healer in heroic Magister’s Terrace means wipe-fest city on the last boss and that’s no fun. But can there be a contender to challenge Gnomer? That place is, of course, the worst 5-man instance in the game; it’s hardly sporting of us to list it as our least favorite, but it is. A horrible place, just abysmal. Let’s just seal the leper gnomes inside and forget it even exists, shall we?

“BRK, if Blizzard buffs the Marksman tree in WotLK, will you consider spec’ing it?”

If MM becomes equal to BM, and WotLK is pet-unfriendly, then yes. If MM becomes equal to BM, and WotLK is as pet-friendly as Burning Crusade, then no. We need both things to happen before we consider leaving the BM tree.

Pre-BC, before level 70, the BM tree was sad, and we were an SV-spec with big-crits and our epic PvP set that we used for raiding Molten Core and AQ20. Then Blizz changed everything and BM become the schiznit, so we followed. If Blizz shakes everything up again, we’ll do likewise, but they’ve really got to shake it hard.

“BRK, why don’t you get that Badge of Justice crossbow?”

We are getting it. We have 102 badges and will give our impression of it once it arrives. Frankly, we’re not excited about switching from a gun to an xbow, but the thing has great stats. Great Elune, it’s ugly…

“BRK, what’s more fun: 10-man or 25-man instances?”

We like 10-mans. They’re just easier to assemble. WoW’s 25-man content is bigger and badder, but we’d rather do a full ZA-run than a 5/6 SSC clear any day of the week.

“BRK, when is the Orlando Hunter Meeting?!”

There is no Orlando Hunter Meeting.

“Why not?”

We have neither the time nor the wherewithal do organize an OHM. This just isn’t going to happen. We will stand in line at the Waterford Lake’s Gamestop at midnight when WotLK comes out, though. You can meet us there, if you’re nutty enough.

“BRK, can I be a troll for Orcapalooza?”

No. A Trolling Tour may be a future event, but only orcs this time.

“BRK, how should I train my pet?”

Max stamina, focus-dump, Growl, Dash/Dive/Charge, and resistances based upon the situation. PvP means Shadow-resist because warlocks love to DOT everything. A well-rounded approach for 5-man instances would be rank 2 of Shadow and Arcane, rank 1 of Fire and Frost. Don’t worry about Nature; you have Aspect of the Wild if necessary. No armor unless you’re specifically building a tanking-pet, but we don’t recommend that anyway. Boomkins and rogues can tank bosses and trash more effectively than your pet, unfortunately. Edit: And Avoidance and Cobra Reflexes!! /whew

“BRK, Warp Stalkers, yes or no?”

Yes, foshizzle! We loved ours.

“BRK, Scorpids, yes or no?”

No, not any more.

“BRK, Raptors, yes or no?”

Yes; they are essentially Cats now.

“BRK, birds/owls/bats, yes or no?”

As long as your tank doesn’t mind the flappin’, yes.

“BRK, Sporebats, yes…”

NO. No, no, no. No.

No.

MT died at 17% on Anetheron. Anetheron stomps a whole bunch of DPS into the ground, including us.

Let’s talk about what happened…

“GUYS!! The druid is tanking him!!”

But the healers didn’t notice in time, and the druid died, too.

“GUYS!!! ANOTHER DRUID IS TANKING HIM!!!”

And she was! And she got heals and Anetheron went down. Finally. We love druids at BRKWWA, darn tootin’. Good thing AC has 1.3 billion of ‘em.

/exhausted