The Truck-Part is Just Bonus
In basic training, all trainees are the same rank: nothing.
In the regular military, everybody has a rank and it’s obvious what you are. Enlisted or officer, you have an insignia that tells the world where you fit in the great scheme of things.
In the Air Force’s technical schools, things are a little different.
An E-2 outranks an E-1, and an E-3 outranks and E-2, but Ropes override ranks.
Back in 1991, students were chosen from applicants to attend a Leadership School, and upon graduation, were issued a Green Rope. It was a green, braided piece of ¼” rope that was slung and attached around the left shoulder. A Green Rope was a student leader who had extra responsibilities and a few extra privileges. Any rank could become a Rope, and because of the length of technical schools, one could have an E-2 Green Rope “outranking” an E-3 student.
There were three colors of ropes: green, yellow, and red. The Green Ropes were in charge of a bay, maybe two, or students, approximately 12-24 trainees. They made sure things got done: cleaning, chores, assignments, etc. For every six or so Green Ropes, there was a Yellow Rope. They supervised the Green Ropes, natch. And for every student squadron, there was one Red Rope to rule them all.
One of the duties of a Green Rope was to march students to school. There are loads of people going to classes, and they weren’t bused; they marched. In columns of four, students assembled in the pre-dawn hours to march to class. A Green Rope would “drive” the formation to class, and back to the dorms again after classes ended. The student leader trainees had to complete a class on driving these formations in order to receive their rope. Driving a formation is, honestly, pretty cool, but it gets tiring after a few months. Thus, one of the perks of being promoted to Yellow Rope is not having to drive formations any longer.
But as a Green Rope at the 3392nd Student Training Squadron, we drove our formation to the basic electronics school for a month before the 3392nd was closed, torn down, burned, shredded, and buried.
If you were in a long-term school, 10 months or more, you were assigned to the 3392nd. But I was in the last group of people who were assigned to the 3392nd, as the powers that Be had decided to close the 3392nd a few months earlier. When they shut my squadron down, the students all transferred to the 3413th.
Now this squadron was known as “Beat and Blow” because all the people who had any musical talent – and wished to use it – were assigned to be in the student band and chorus in the 3413th. So they took us long-term students with security clearances and superiority complexes and shoved us together with the BnBs. Problems were bound to erupt because of the clash of ideologies, so to prevent hostilities, they nominated a Green Rope from the 3392nd to be elevated to Yellow Rope in the 3413th, so we’d have the appearance of not being minority citizens, but equals.
I was the 3392nd Yellow Rope nominee. And I accepted it, and was the only Yellow Rope on Keesler AFB who marched students to the basic electronics course on the other side of the base. I marched students over there for months as a Yellow Rope; no promotion-perk for me.
Eventually I graduated the basic electronics course – having a degree in Aerospace Engineering already didn’t hurt my grades – and went to the Electronic Warfare school. Now this was awesome because I didn’t have to march students anymore; we EW pukes were allowed to “straggle”, i.e. to walk un-formationized. And for five months I got to do my straggling-thing. Sweet.
One month before graduation, the powers that Be realigned the student squadrons again. All EW troops were going to be moved to the 3380th training squadron. Move me right before my graduation? That seemed silly. So I told them so.
“I’m graduating in 30 days, can’t I just stay here?”
“No.”
“But…”
“No.”
“This is really stupid. The military is going to move me to England in 30 days, but you want me to move to another squadron now?”
“Yes, now.”
I had lived on Keesler for eleven months and I had accumulated a lot of crap. Moving all this stuff by hand was going to be a huge pain.
So I applied for a DITY move.
A DITY move is a “do it yourself” move. Normally, when the military gives you Orders to change assignments, they bring a moving company and move you on the military’s dime. However, one can apply for a DITY move where one moves oneself and gets reimbursed by the military. I marched over to the Inbound/Outbound section of the Supply Squadron and presented my case. The sergeant on-call was befuddled.
“You’re being sent to Keesler? But you’re already here.”
“No, I’m a student at Keesler and I’m being told to move to another dorm.”
“You’re graduating and moving to the permanent-party dorms?”
“No, another student dorm.”
“You can’t DITY move to another student dorm; you have to be traveling on Orders!”
“I have Orders, see! I’m being reassigned from the 3413th to the 3380th and here’s my papers. I need to rent a truck to move my stuff, so I need to be reimbursed.”
“Hold on, let me get my lieutenant.”
And the 1st lieutenant was basically just as much help, but he could put that help in the form of an order.
“Airman Howell, I am not going to issue you DITY move paperwork to move from one student dorm to another. Get out of my office.”
Fine. I may not be able to manipulate the Supply Squadron, but I’m pretty sure there’s at least one group of people I can hornswaggle.
Transportation, darn tootin’.
I hustled to the people who kept the military’s vehicles running and told them I needed a truck.
“Why do you need a truck?”
“My commander wants to move some stuff from his building to another building.”
“Sign this.”
And I signed that, and got the keys to a truck.
Now the best way to get away with something in the military is to just do it. Don’t sneak, don’t try to hide. Do it out in the open and act like you’re pissed off that you have to do it. So right in the middle of morning formation, I drove my big blue truck right over the lawn to an emergency exit door, parked, honked the horn, killed the engine, got out, and slammed the truck’s door. The formation turned, saw me fuming, laughed, and got back to the business of being educated.
I started loading my stuff in the truck when the squadron’s First Sergeant came by.
“What are you doing, Airman Howell?”
“I’m being reassigned to the 3380th, they gave me a truck, they told me to move.” I grumbled heavily.
And he sauntered off, happy in my misery. I was being reassigned, they did tell me to move, they did give me a truck; no lies were told. I just rearranged the order.
I finished loading, slammed the tailgate, let out one last, “I cannot believe this!” and burned rubber over to the 3380th. After unloading, I took the truck back to the Transportation Squadron, returned the keys, thanked them, and scooted on foot back to my new home.
Mission accomplished. Thank goodness that the Transportation NCO hadn’t checked to see if I had been trained and authorized to drive a diesel.
So I was the last 3392nd student who was still a student, I was the only Yellow Rope from the 3413th who had been moved to the 3380th, and I was alone. My time was almost up, I was tired, I had no friends in my new squadron, and I would be graduating in 30 days. Naturally, I got called to see the NCO in charge of the ropes. I met him in the lobby of the commander’s office.
“We need you to march some flights for the next couple of weeks.”
“Do what? I’m a Yellow Rope, I quit marching flights six months ago.”
“We don’t have any Green Ropes in the squadron who go to your old basic electronics building after the latest realignment, so you’ll have to do it.”
“Yellow Ropes don’t drive formations…”
“I need you to do it.”
“I just moved from the ‘13th, I’ve been here all of two days, I’m the most senior Rope in the entire student population, and you want me to walk over to the basic electronics building and drive a formation back here?”
“Two of them, actually. One in the afternoon, one in the evening.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Airman Howell, I’m giving you an order…”
“LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR ORDER!” and the commander’s office stilled.
“I’ve been on Keesler almost a year, living like a prisoner! PopTarts are all over this base who I helped move around! There are permanent-party people here who I outrank! I’ve been on Keesler longer than any student-squadron commanding officer! I’ve been a Rope for longer than you’ve been assigned here! I’ve been in THREE student squadrons, TWO tech schools, I’m graduating and moving in three weeks, and NOW you want me to drive FORMATIONS again!?”
Yeah, I as a little E-3, I b!tched-out a non-commissioned officer, in hearing-distance of the commander and his staff. I lost it, totally.
I don’t remember how I didn’t go to jail, or how I was escorted out of the office. I do know that I didn’t drive any formations…
But I vividly remember my subsequent defrocking-ceremony.
At the next commander’s call, the next Saturday, I was called to the front of the theater. The commander read off my accomplishments, how he, as the commander of a former mid-length school’s squadron, had never heard of a student being on-base for a year… without having been in jail. He smiled, took my Yellow Rope, and proclaimed me Quasi-Permanent Party for the next three weeks until I left. I received a large round of applause, during which, the commander whispered in my ear,
“Stay clean, stay quiet, and get the h3ll out of Keesler.”
And that’s what the recent former Secretary of the Air Force, the recent former Air Force Chief of Staff, and I have in common: forced, mandatory retirement.
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I love your stories!
That is hilarious, When I was going to EOD school there was a guy there that had an issue with his security clearance and had been there long enough to sew on SrA he was there when I left, he was there when the guys I got there with left 10 months later, I am pretty sure he would have made staff had he been able to test. Grats on the Perm-party status.
When I was in UAV School, I had a guy that was in AIT for 2 years!!!! The Army is not as smart as the Air Force when it comes to hold under’s and security clearances… Some times I wish I went “Blue” instead of “Green” oh well!! I just love your Military stories! Keep em’ coming!
Thats awesome BRK! I love your Airman Howell Stories. Don’t stop ‘em.
EDIT: HEY! I was able to Comment today!
Damn BRK, you’re bringing back some OLD school memories of my Tech School days.
With all of those stories you’ve told us, combined with that mouth of yours, I refuse to believe you didn’t do any time during your year at Keesler.
You’re hiding something from us, BRK. Does it have anything to do with a Heineken Red Star-fueled Halloween Bunny?
I’ve been here almost three years now.
When I first got here… I gotta temp security clearance. Cuz, you know, they were still checking me out.
“Doan worry… we’ll have the perm one for ya in no time!”
Six months later… the temp badge ran out. “A few problems with our clearance people, they a little backlogged, I’ll just renew the temp clearance for another three months…”
Three months later… “Oh dear… your paperwork got lost… can you put together another packet? Oh, we’ll give you another month on that pass…”
So I started bitching… team leader, section chief, department head… by this time I had a little bit of a reputation, and, well… no one else wanted to do what I did…
Turn in packet… “Here’s another 6 weeks on the pass, we’ll try to expedite the clearance.”
6 weeks later… We goin to a new security system… we talked to your department head, and you’ll still have a temp clearance, it just won’t have an expiration date…
Btw… check this story out. You’ll be laughin your ass off for weeks over it… (Non military junkies probably won’t understand)
http://www.business-standard.com/common/storypage_c_online.php?leftnm=10&bKeyFlag=IN&autono=36059
I was the hold over king in AIT. I had to wait 4 weeks for class to start as my MOS was being phased out. The powers that be were not sure where to put us… so we waited. After my 17 weeks of training I was given the wrong clearance and had to wait for it to come in… 3 Months later I got the wrong clearance again. More waiting… I spent a little over 12 months total in AIT. The last part was in a special hold over company for guys getting a Med-Board, those who can not pass their PT test (What? after this long in the Army? ), and clearance issues. There was one other guy in the same boat as me… Just the one.
On the bonus side… Nothing boosts your ego like doing PT with a bunch of people that cannot do PT. I only run a 2 mile in 13:53… and I was like a bolt of lightning in that company
Seriously BRK If you have time to put together and write these stories of the military I know you can come up with somthing better about WoW. I get so dissapointed when I come here wanting to see a new post on something cool during the day and find a blog full of military mumble jumble.
I have respect for anyone that serves but, here I would like to see more on maybe what you guys did last night or something interesting along those lines.
JMO sorry….
@Reply Everyone is entitled to an opinion… but it just so happens that yours is wrong
Airman Howell FTW
Hooray Airman Howell Stories!
I look forward to reading these stories. They always crack me up! That’s so true about the easiest way to get away with something in the military is to do it in plain view. When I think back on it, I can’t believe the stuff my buddy Jack and I got away with in the Marines pulling stunts like that! LOL!
Keep ‘em coming is all I can say!
Thanks BRK!
Bensen of Dalaran
Agreed.
I’ll always have room for more of your great Wow articles and vids, but your real life diversions are just as much fun.
Whether its pruning Billy Joel’s hedges, or requisitioning vehicles MASH-style, keep it coming!
Nice post! I’m a long-time hunter, but only recently discovered BRK. I really enjoyed that story.
Great story!
I’ve been hunting around for a good hunter-blog and stumbled across yours just a few days ago, and i got SO hooked! Thank you from Sweden =)
woot! i love this stories… the inner workings of the armed forces never cease to amaze me… it’s a wonder anything gets done in there…
There is more to life than WoW, not much, but still more. Hearing BRK stories like this one should be relished. Expanding ones horizons is a good thing. (No disrespect meant)
A++ BRK. Thank you for making me appreciate you more than I already do.
@BRK Right on the money about doing “stuff” in the military. I was in the Navy 6yrs, 4 of em on sub as an MM. I used to have to steal…err,, appropriate “stuff” all the time to get things working in order for us to go to sea.
Best trick I learned from an older MM was to get a ball cap from our sub tender. I would put that thing on..act all pissed off or grab a clipboard and spout off some stuff and usually get whatever I wanted. As long as u looked miserable, nobody ever was the wiser to what u were doing.
hah great story
Getting the truck reminds me of the George Costanza method of making sure people don’t bother you at work: just look really irritated. People assume you’re working hard and doing something you’re supposed to be doing.
@yunk
Haha, I follow that motto everyday! It is great and it really does work well!
Even though I’ve been a civilian all my life, I find the Airman Howell stories a nice change of pace from the WoW stuff. Keep up all of the great work, BRK!
great story BRK, always hilarious… at least next time I go to one of my site I can kinda understand what those buggers talk about when I’m around, so many military acronyms.
EDIT: I’m not blocked as a spammer today, lol.
[...] The Truck-Part is Just Bonus Any rank could become a Rope, and because of the length of technical schools, one could have an E-2 Green Rope “outranking” an E-3 student. There were three colors of ropes: green, yellow, and red. The green ropes were in charge of a … [...]
Always, always great stories. When is the book coming out?
I was a rope back in 1979 at Chanute AFB in Illinois while attending Firefighter school. Driving the mob was cool to begin with but I agree got old fast.
It is also the coldest I have ever been in my life marching to school before daylight during the middle of winter.
[...] TheTruck-Part is Just Bonus [...]
Ah the memories. Let me guess, they haven’t brought out the phases yet. I remember being a Beat-and-Blow Red rope, losing it because the Bay NCO didn’t tell me I had Weeds-and-Seeds during a weekend I was on leave, then getting it back because the BnB NCO outranked the Bay NCO. (And he said I was actually on leave accompanying him on a music Gig.)
But I loved Phase 5 the best. 1-TOS airmen (Com/Nav FTW) No curfew, no formations, out all night. Much similarity to your Quasi-Permanent Party status.
I love the military stories, I love the WoW stuff. It’s BRK’s blog, if you really want to force him to blog about only WoW, start sending him checks!!
Man,
That forced retirement was a real penis-punch to those of us in the nuclear community (Minot AFB baby…ground zero for fuckups and “oops, did we load nukes onto that plane?”).
Just goes to show that an Airman can get a general “retired”.
Ooooh man what a flash back. I did Shepperd Air Force Base as a yellow rope back in 93 – 94. I did helicopter crew chief school there (yep, the Air Force actually has helicopters
) for 7 months so we were essentially regarded as permanent party for the last couple of months as well. The only thing that really sticks out about the rope is the enourmous amount of tail it accorded. Ah good times with the medical training squadron girls.
hehe brk funny as always, have you finished writing you airman howell book yet?
BRK~
I had to chuckle after reading this, same thing happened to me while stationed at Ft. Gordon. Unfortunately I didn’t get the truck, but after being “retired” from Student 1SG, I was granted a permanent-party status for the remainder of my stay before going to US Army Airborne School. Gotta love the Signal Corps….hahah.
83rd here…but they moved me to the “oh 2nd” because of draw downs…good times. Its all but closed now dude.
theserf@gmail.com
I feel for ya – getting stuck in those kind of places.
I was going through BCT at Fort Jackson in 2004, and as it happened our CO scheduled a “fun-time” day back at Victory Tower (the first major event of your BCT career) two days before our company graduation.
For those who don’t know, VT is a rappelling/rope course with several components, including an airborne crawl (in which you must climb on TOP of a 1″ cable above a sloped safety cargo net). Easy stuff, right?
For Gits and Shiggles, the Drill Sergeants SHOOK THE ROPE. Naturally, more or less everyone fell into the net, rolling safely down to the lower tower and continuing on with the course.
Except yours truly.
In an unbelievable bit of bad luck, my foot caught in the cargo net as I was rolling down it, rotating about 300 degrees. Result? Both bones in my leg were shattered about 2″ above the ankle (just above my boot). The tibia, for example, was in 16 pieces.
Naturally, I couldn’t graduate with my class – they aren’t allowed to send a soldier on to AIT who isn’t physically fit. Thus, while I technically “graduated” from BCT, I had to stay at my company barracks (following a 6-week hospital stay) for a further YEAR AND A HALF. That’s right, I went through essentially 2 years of the BCT living environment (with no special privileges for 2/3rds of that time, being treated like any given BCT soldier) until the Medical Board at Walter Reed decided that I should just go away, since I was only on a 3-year contract.
My very own private special hell.
Battalion staff eventually realized that I’d been there longer than several permanent party, and eventually just had me working as a catch-all. Somebody needs help on something that day, I go help (ammo loading, logistics, weapon repair, overturning lockers, going to the PX for booze, etc).
So I sympathize with you, Airman Howell, for being stuck in horrible places for unholy lengths of time.
I just came across the Airman Howell Stories while using your site for tips on how to not be a huntard for myself and my son.
Sounds like we tread on a lot of the same ground in our early years (though it looks like I was there about a year earlier). Both in the 3708th and the 3413th “Beat and Blow”. Difference is I volunteered for the 3413th. Very little standing around in Parades, got to attend the Miss Teen USA Pageant in N.O. etc.
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