We Are So Not Totally Making These Up
Holy Elune, but that’s the end of another year! BRK the Blog is rapidly approaching its two-year anniversary, and 2009 promises to be another massively profitable endeavor. We may buy a twelve-pack of Hot Pockets this year!
On WoW Insider today, we gave our rundown of the best hunter-loot of 2008. And since we can’t specifically tell you what we’re going to be ninja’ing any time soon, the least we can do is spill our guts about a few of the changes we know are coming.
BRK’s Top Ten WoW-Predictions for 2009
10. The elimination of the warlock-class is finally made public. All warlocks are given the option of receiving a mage or death knight in exchange for their warlock before it’s deleted. The outcry from the warlock population is massive, but eventually, all nine warlocks take their DK and slink back into the shadows.
9. The second rare-exotic hunter pet is deployed: Critters. Rats are ferocity, Bunnehs are cunning, and Cockroaches are Paladins, which totally completes the circle.
8. Tailors got flying carpets in 2008, but in 2009 Alchemists will get a travel-thingie of their own: the Flask of Dune-Spice. By drinking a bottle of this, the Alchemist can travel anywhere by “folding space”; no vehicle or mount is necessary. Anybody who is clicking on the alchemist is pulled along for the ride.
7. The Survivalist tree for hunters is finally given its due. The 51st talent point is changed to “Master of Zorg”, which allows a SV hunter to use the new ZF-1 ranged weapon.
6. The next hero class is announced, “Disciple of Freya.” Basically a druid on steroids, this class is allowed to use plants as combat-pets for both DPS and healing.
5. The [Gnomish Jackhammer] will grant miners +25 to their mining skill and extracts an addition 10% more ore from all nodes. The [Miracle Goblin-Gro Sprayer] will grant herbalists +25 to their herbing skill and extracts and yield 10% more flowers from each harvest.
4. There are hundreds of cooking recipes, but the lack of a real stimulant has been noticeable absent. No longer, as cooking gets a major buff with 15 varieties of Coffee recipes. Some examples:
*Naruu Sunrise: increases all reputation gains by 10% for one hour.
*Orcish Delight: increases strength by 10% but reduces intellect by the
same amount.
*Blood Elf Blend: increases all magic by 10%, but reduces reputation
gains by 10%, ’cause nobody likes Blood Elves.
*Hunter Havana: a deeply aromatic blend that increases all DPS by 10%,
but prevents the quaffer from joining parties and raids.
(More examples exists, but we’ve lost our notes. Perhaps you’ve seen some?)
3. Engineers get one more cool ride, the [Trollmaster Fishing Boat]. Increases fishing skill by 50, can carry two additional passengers, but only exists for 30 minutes and has a 24-hour cooldown.
2. Hunters get the ability to use two pets at the same time. Said Ghostcrawler, “With the removal of the Warlock class, the servers have the extra memory available, so why the {explicative deleted} not, right?”
1. The Achievement system is scrapped. In its place, Blizzard offers its customers the option of using a credit card to buy “Blizzard Cool Points”. Blizz deploys a “BCP Tracking Page” to their website so people can see who has the most BCPs, and thus are deemed The Coolest Players in Warcraft.
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YES!!!!
/cry… haven’t we taken enough nerfs already? Let us Warlocks live in peace for a little while…
(How bout Core Hound Cuban – The Drinker of this beverage will make the earth shake as they walk, thereby prompting all players in the vicinity to head to the forums and complain.)
If alchys get spice teleportation then engineers had better get thumpers for worm riding. There’d be nothing like carrying your raid to an enemy city in style.
*Kopi Luwak- Great coffee, no buff… Just another excuse for blizzard to have us dig through animal poop.
WTB 1000 BCP points…
I’m really liking the headsup on the wowinsider posts
Legacy was a head turner for sure. “Ohhhh you have Legaaaacy… you must be a hard core raider…” ie something I would say to others, not the other way around :/
As for this list, you have excelled once again. I truly believe these will all come true. Already in 25man raids you can 24 man them all, the 25th spot is just for the person who has to summon the late ones.
Every sentence finely tuned art BRK. “explicative deleted” <= doesn’t need explaining
love it
Top 10 Blogs 2008: Forget 3 to 10, just go for the top two that both feature BRK.
Happy New Year folks
“If alchys get spice teleportation then engineers had better get thumpers for worm riding. There’d be nothing like carrying your raid to an enemy city in style.”
Only if to get it you have to do a quest chain involving Patrick Stewart explaining how only the slow knife will pass through the shield. Hell, they already have Worf in the game as a Tauren so why not?
Night Elves gain the racial ability “Legolassie”, granting +5 weapon skill in bows, and are finally no longer the laughingstock of the Greater Hunter Community.
I expect the High Elf race to be finally playable in 2009 as mentioned by Blizz. Same with starting other classes at lv55.
It should be an interesting year.
Capuccino Macarena
Gives you the ability to throw your hands
in the air and dance like you just don’t care
(or like a human female)(lasts 2 minutes)
Warrior’s Java: Drinking this increases your Defense to cap and gives you a +100 to Stamina, unless you’re a Warrior, in which case it promptly respecs you to Fury. (Lasts until character deletion.)
This would be pretty much par for the course for Engineering. -_-;
What, you mean you can’t? Hah, I’m MM and I already have two pets!
[Trollmaster Fishing Boat] is incorrect, it should read
“Driver and passengers must remain drunk, or the vehicle despawns”
“The Survivalist tree for hunters is finally given its due. The 51st talent point is changed to “Master of Zorg”, which allows a SV hunter to use the new ZF-1 ranged weapon.”
Excellent “Fith Element” refrence there. Was my kids favorite movie when he was five or so. But he called it “Big Bottom Boom”
p.s. Why the *F* can I not post comments in Firefox?
Number 10 and 1 make me cry…
/sob
I’m totally for the Trollmaster fishing boat. The remaining drunk to keep it active would be a nice touch.
Nothing like losing your boat in orca infested waters because someone forgot to drink their brew of the month.
Meeg
Hemet’s Popin’ Cappuccino – earthy blend of 11 herbs and spices from some of the rarest flora and fauna in Azeroth. Drinking this will give the user the Spirit of the Nuge buff, causing an additional 10% more physical damage to beasts, but aggros every bears in a 40 yard radius. You can also expect nastygrams from DHETA for the next couple of weeks.
I’d really like to play my warlock more, even just to boost the declining numbers…. It’s a great class, but I can’t – the stuff I want to do on my hunter takes up all my free time
I so want one of those boats. CD would be a drag but I’d get over it. I’m a tradeskill maniac.
“Hemet’s Popin’ Cappuccino – earthy blend of 11 herbs and spices from some of the rarest flora and fauna in Azeroth. Drinking this will give the user the Spirit of the Nuge buff, causing an additional 10% more physical damage to beasts, but aggros every bears in a 40 yard radius. You can also expect nastygrams from DHETA for the next couple of weeks.”
That reminded me of Bear trap spawning…BEARS! so you would place one and dink it and your own bears would attack you!
Excellent Dune reference BRK.
9001 internet points to you.
Anda a Happy New Year too
And then you skin one, which aggros every more bears, who aggros you because of the coffee, which aggros even more every bears.
OH MY GOD INFINITE BEARS, NO WONDER BRK HAS SO MUCH LEATHER TO SELL
Number 8 should be Flask of Melange.
Why such warlock hate? Why are we targeted over other classes, is it because we can use pets to just like hunters, or because our dps is amazing if we had the mana regen. Why the warlock hate BRK?
@angelofmercy85
Because you all have names like “angelofmercy85″.
8. YES! Awesome. I just ask that a scrip note is added…”Norma Cevna” down with farce that is Holtzman. He’s a hack and a fraud.
4. Sludge Fen Brew (how could you forget?) It’s got that nic raw sewage after taste. Increases stam +10%. You can stomach anything now. Poison Immunity 1 Hour.
ROFL……This is NOT something to read while you are trying to eat!!! Nicely done! Best of luck in the New Year!
Gunsnbutter Excelsior/Uther
Brk probably got out DpSed by a lock in any type of raid, so now he is butthurt and wants to dissolve the class. My work is done, let flamming begin.
Considering the only time I’ve ever seen a Warlock break 2500 DPS is seed spam on 7+ mobs, I somehow doubt that.
^^ What Rilgon said… I was killing trash in Mt Hyjal and putting up numbers like those. Sadly, I am a mage and, and in my pretty red man-dress was beating the warlocks. At least the hunters don’t want to eliminate *our* class– not when we can provide them with free (or at least very cheap) food every few minutes. All hail the level 80 vending machine!
#2 is the best.
#10 makes me sad. Warlock was actually my first 60 and second 70. I doubt she’ll even see 71.
so many sensitive Warlocks!
It’s okay, I don’t have to be loved…I know you’re staring at my ass when I walk anyway. We Blood Elves are you gentlemen’s guilty pleasures.
Besides, I hear that people either choose the character that looks most like them, or the character they wish most to look like…you never know…it could be the former. Um, minus the ears…
Far from the worst hero-class suggestion I’ve heard.
A reference to Dune and the 5th Element in one post…
Nerdgasm!
Pffffffft. Female Draenei ass > Female BElf ass, and that’s a fact.
Master of Zorg!?
/respecsurv
[...] 2, 2009 by Euripedes (Shamelessly stolen from Doofy the Paladin, World of Matticus, BigRedKitty, and probably a bajillion other [...]
WTB Orcish Delight!
god, i hate blood elves.
I am shocked! I am outraged! The very suggestion you made in #10! Sir, I demand you retract your statement this very instant.
There are 11 of us warlocks. Honestly, man, learn to count.
sirrah, you offend me! why i love my hunters as much as anyone, but since they are the only ones that can beat me in dmg, i hate to see hem nerfed so much in the future. why, it is true that they usually are up there at 3500 and i’m still poking around at 3300, but the competition is fun. you all need to have a little more sense of competition, and get used to the fat that on heigan, no one can beat a good lock. (notice-Good lock, there are plenty of crappy ones right now, i abhor my class and how it go so used to pressing one button and topping meters)
The irony is staggering.
No 2; can the second pet be a Druid?
Hilarious stuff. Do you stay awake all night thinking up this stuff. Lay off the Raspberry Lattes after 9pm.
“There are hundreds of cooking recipes, but the lack of a real stimulant has been noticeable absent. ”
If the “lack” is “absent” then the stimuli is there. Not mean to nag, just think you could correct that. And no, I’m not an elitist jerk-wannabe nitpricker; I just noticed that the wording, if taken literally, gives the wrong idea. Of course, given the context everyone gets the point, but it is still wrong.
@Lukefarer
Sure it can when you dualbox and have the druid on follow
I like my warlock, who else would summon all the lazy people who missed raid start time?
Mr. BRK, there is one prediction that you may have missed…a hunter epic mount questline. I don’t even play one anymore, but I think it’s completely retarded that the “Masters of beasts” do not currently have such a thing availible. I’ll be crossing my fingers for all you huntaholics…..keep bringing your leet dps to raids, makes my tanking so much easier
Dragonball Z Latte: Reduces all primary statistics to 1 until dispelled, but attack power is increased to OVER NINE THOUSAND. Lasts 10 minutes, or until someone with Intellect over 30 notices that you’re drooling. Again.