Probably the Chicken Parm Entrée
“Well Brain, we’ve got enough reader mail to choke President Obama’s Blackberry. Shall we dive right in?
“Sure. What’s the first hunter-question of the…”
…BRK’s Brain has been disconnected…
“Wha? What happened?”
/telephone ring
“BRK’s phone, BRK speaking.”
“Yo, it’s Brain. I got DC’d. I’m logging in again.”
“Well hurry up; there’s a ton of email and a lot of it requires thinking.”
“OK OK, I’ve got the loading screen.”
…BRK’s Brain has come online…
“Cool, there ya are.”
“Right. So read the first email. Is it about SV-spec? Maybe trap-dancing? Why BM is still a perfectly viable raiding spec?”
“It’s a question about Rapid Fire and how useful it is for BM hunters, whether or not it affects Steady Shot or the Global Cooldown. What say ya, Brain.”
…
“Brain?”
“BRK? What did you say? I’m laggin’.”
“I said, Rapid Fire, is it good for…”
…BRK’s Brain has been disconnected…
“Oh for Elune’s sake!”
/telephone ring
“Brain! What the F!”
“I’m laggin’ bad. This server stinks.”
“This ‘server’ is my cerebral cortex and it’s just fine.”
“Have you upgraded the software lately?”
“We’re rereading The Lord of the Rings.”
“Are you concentrating on the Elfish?”
“Yes.”
“Well there ya go. You’re activating areas in your noodle that have been dormant for years. Romance novels only work specific parts of that server, so going whole-hog into Tolkien is sure to introduce some incompatibilities.”
“But we need to write this blogpost and answer our overflowing in-box.”
“Wait until the server comes back and test it out by using phrases and thoughts to determine where in your skull the problem is.”
…BRK’s Brain has come online…
“Brain, you there?”
“Yes. Start it up.”
“OK. How about… petticoat.”
“I’m still here. No lag.”
“Roguish baron of St. Barthalemew.”
“Good, the pings are still OK.”
“His desire was a torrent, a maelstrom of excitement and craving.”
“Pings are really good, BRK. Sub-100ms.”
“Alright, let’s try… Wintergrasp.”
“Lag-spike!”
“Chain-trap.”
“You’re breaking up, BRK!”
“Elrond.”
…BRK’s Brain has been disconnected…
“Well {explicative deleted}.”
/telephone ring
“Brain, the more we deviate from romance novels, the worse our server stability gets.”
“I refuse, point blank, to discuss romance novels.”
“We’ll have no blog post if we think about Warcraft today. We’ll need a total server shutdown and restart.”
“That’s better than Elizabethan tales of forbidden love between some dark, depressed duke and his cleaning lady who’s really a Norwegian princess.”
“For our current audience, probably.”
…BRK’s Brain has come online…
“Alright RBK, let’s try to circumvent the problem. Ask a Warcraft question, but use romance novel terminology.”
“Um… a reader wants to know… a Rapidly beating heart will catch Fire when his love presses the button at the right time… but if she does, will his ardor Globally get slower and eventually Cooldown.”
“…”
“Brain?”
“That’s the worst example of translating Warcraft to a romance novel I’ve ever heard. That’s Elune-awful. Just wrenchingly bad.”
“Have you ever tried to make Rapid Fire and the Global Cooldown applicable to something Jude Devereaux would write?! We don’t think so!”
…BRK’s Brain has been disconnected…
“{Utterly vile expletive deleted.}”
/telephone ring
“Brain!”
“BRK?”
“We’re going to take Blizzard’s advice and not answer reader email until the server-issues are resolved.”
“You’re gonna hotfix yourself?”
“We are, yes.”
“How long is the server going to be down?”
“At least until 1pm PST.”
“What are the odds that time will be extended?”
“130% guaranteed. Don’t come home early; you’ll just be disappointed.”
“What is the server-restart sequence?”
“First, we watch CNN Morning Edition with Robin Meade. That shuts down all the higher-level functions. Then we’ll force ourselves to watch The Weather Channel for fifteen minutes, which will make us comatose. We’ll fetch lunch from Bizarro’s which restarts the primal core functions, followed by browsing our RSS feed for notes about what’s going on with the Warcraft servers and thinking about our raiding this weekend. To ensure complete server-compatibility with the latest Tolkien-patch, we’ll try figuring out why Gandalf has a staff and a sword but no wand. Once that has been discovered, we anticipate a lag and disconnect-free experience for you.”
…BRK’s Brain has come online…
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Hey Brain?”
“Yes BRK?”
“Why doesn’t Gandalf use a wand?”
…BRK’s Brain has been disconnected…
– Note: See? I told you so. <3 TJ–
Comments
29 Responses to “Probably the Chicken Parm Entrée”
Got Something To Say?
Email icon provided by Nexodyne.-
BRK’s Site Meter
BRK License Agreement
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
BRK’s RSS Feeds
steady shot is dead – long live steady shot!!!
As a lover of romance novels and hunter blogs, I approve this post.
I read every other line and still got it. Next time I’ll read every third line.
I despise romance novels but the blog post was funny! Thanks for the bit of Good cheer.
Julie Whitefeather
Congrats on making a completely pointless post that covered no hunter material at all, and still be completely entertaining
.
One question: how do you come up with this stuff? hahaha…
Forget how does he come up with stuff, I want to know how BRK plays as much WoW as he does while maintaining a family life, a high-end job and still have time to re-read LOTR.
I think there’s some sort of temporal anomaly that surrounds BRK wherein time and space operate on a completely different continuum than in normal space-time.
The Silmarillion. read it.
“The Silmarillion. read it.”
And then wait for some buffoon of a director to butcher it on the big screen..
Laugh out loud funny BRK. My hat is off to you for your quality and prolific content.
Ahhh it’s Gandalf.
Thanks BRK. You just resurfaced my desire for LOTR again. Now to re-read the entire trilogy when I get home. And also thanks for the light-hearted read after yesterday.
Edits…
Would it be too much to compare Blizzard to the forces of Saruman?
you have to remember though that if you skip all the songs sung over the campfire, LoTR is actually fairly short.
BRK, not my blog, but as a someone who’s served our country I thought you might want to see this:
http://thunderrun.blogspot.com/2009/01/are-you-ready-to-get-angry.html
Long story short, as of now the plan is for the color guard at the Super Bowl to be escorted from the premises after they present the colors.
But the songs are awesome!!!!! I memorized many of the poems when I was into the books as a teenager.
That was awesome!
Is TJ suggesting BRK is joining the FotM spec?
*Snort*
Romance novels!
@Noah have you -heard- how fast BRK talks? He’s clearly just moving faster than the rest of us
Noah:
I think there’s some sort of temporal anomaly that surrounds BRK wherein time and space operate on a completely different continuum than in normal space-time.
BRK is a secret member of the Bronze Dragonflight…
I believe do to its use that the staff is a wand.
o.O
i think the brain posts are the best part of the blog.
esp. the Nexus/Disengage one. 
apparently they make me very happy, look! –>
Pull a double pack of spiders, explosive trap and Volley. Watch 10 people DC.
I LIVE for brain posts…
No wonder he’s so awesome.
Nefernet <– big BRK’s Brain fan…
Great post !
@Absitively:
I don’t have a dog in this hunt, being from the other side of the Atlantic, but:
http://www.profootballtalk.com/2009/01/23/super-bowl-color-guard-flap-riles-up-fans/
suggests that this is and has always been SOP. Why the flap now?
Finally! Romance novel reading, WoW nerds get some love! *fans self* If only BRK and the writers of the blog Smart Bitches, Trashy Books had a Warcraft playing, blog writting lovechild. Well, a girl can dream, right?
Just like I can only dream that Rapid Fire would affect the Global Cooldown. *sniff*
I love paranormal romance novels myself.
Crimson City,Black Dagger Brotherhood,Carpathian novels ect.
And yes,I’m a guy.
No,I don’t like other guys.